Essere (To Be)

It’s my last day here in Sicily by myself! This epic adventure has three parts and I am completing part two today. I’ll be flying to Firenze tomorrow to meet my dear friend of 30+ years and very bestest Italy buddy, Brian. We’ll spend two days in Florence and then return to Sicily for five days. I’ll let that adventure unfold as it happens. Again, a reminder that if you wanna see day-by-day pictures and videos, follow me on instagram. @slurenner.

These 14 days have been many things and I’ll try to unpack a bit here now. I came here because i felt called to it. I wasn’t sure what was here for me. So often when God wants to reveal something it is not in a single moment or single day. It’s a process over time.

When I first got here I put pressure on myself to be creative. I thought for sure that was the reason I was here. Songs, maybe do some writing for a book, etc… why travel thousands of miles and not come back with a “product”? I went into the Ionian sea with a mission to meet the creative muse. I desperately hoped to get a song or an inspiration for a chapter. I sat down in front of my computer and tried to hear something. I felt the ocean breeze, heard the sound of the waves. I prayed.

Nothing.

To my own credit, I didn’t linger on it. After having lived this life for a while now and having been through a lot, including being stuck and paralyzed emotionally by my own expectations, I’ve learned to pivot pretty quickly. I remembered what God has been showing me even before this trip. Savor the moment. Stop dwelling in yesterday or living for what is happening tomorrow. Be right here.

Sun sets. Time fly's. Don't forget. Experience life. - from Savor the Moment on my album All For Love. Give it a listen.

So I did. I dropped the creative agenda which was requiring me to dredge up the past in order to produce something for the future. I let go of my expectations and started to listen and to pay attention to what my mind, body and soul was telling me it needed.

The message was REST. Pure rest. A few days ago I was perusing Instagram and read a quote posted by my friend, Jenny Sung. (I looked for the exact quote and couldn’t find it). I’ll summarize. The purpose of rest is rest. It’s not resting FOR something. It’s something we need because we are human. Just rest.

In my hometown of Minneapolis MN my life is full. I am the Director of Contemporary Worship at St. Andrew’s Lutheran Church. I own and perform in a dance band called The Covers. I write, sing, record and perform original music and am a singer for hire in a number of tribute shows and church events. And just because it’s full of good and purposeful things it does not mean it is easy. BECAUSE it is purposeful it is not easy. With rare exception, when I sing, I give with the entirety of my being. Especially over these past few years of pandemic and turmoil. It is my nature to DO THE WORK. I am driven to accomplish and complete a task…whatever it is. Alongside that reality, I am also an extreme introvert. I do not generate energy from being with people. I am drained and emptied by being with people. I regenerate by being alone.

And so God called me to the water thousands of miles from where anybody knows what I am capable of accomplishing because God knew my reservoir was EMPTY.

I rested here. It took me a while, but finally, I let myself just be. I strolled through Sicilian towns, learned to cook local food, figured out how to take the train LIKE A BOSS (people started asking ME where things were and how to do things like I was a local!). I people-watched, shopped, read books on the beach or overlooking the beach from my terrace, admired the flowers, ate gelato and a spoonful of Nutella whenever I wanted, floated in the salty water and one time I even stayed in bed ALL DAY.

I feel like I’ve added quality years to my life. I’ve lost weight without trying. These pounds have been plaguing me, friends. I’ve struggled to find the reason and the solution. The pounds left with the stress (and the car!) 😁 I sleep through the night. My joints don’t ache. I don’t have actual confirmation about this (yet) but I’ll bet you my blood pressure and cholesterol are lower. I’m sure there are many contributing factors to declining health, but after this trip I will NOT discount or minimize STRESS ever again.

Yesterday I swam in the sea. It had been a few days because I was letting these wounds I had on my hands heal a bit more before introducing my new skin to the ocean’s bacteria. It was the first time since I’ve been here (22 days) that I experienced that “hug” again in the water (see “Being Alone”). It felt like love. As my body moved with the gentle waves, the Holy Spirit whispered “I AM good. You are LOVED. And My timing is PERFECT”. Some of you might recognize this as a paraphrase of the lyrics from the worship song Good Good Father. I’ve sung this song a hundred times. Those words came alive today and became a reality for me.

i have no doubt that I will go back to being very productive when I get home. I’ll get more ideas, sing more songs, and generally get things done…as I always have. Right now, though?

The word.

Today.

Is simply, “Essere”.